What Hurts The Most
by Burnsides-Girl
Summary: Jane is solo country singer trying to run away from all the problems in her life. After one of her sets, she meets Jasper, but can Jane open up and show him the real her? Can she trust him not to leave her? AH/AU


**Hey, y'all! So I have been busy and stuff…and I thought I would try a few one shots! I have no clue what I am doing. So please don't crucify me! It's not going to be long, but I had a few ideas and I jot them down in my notebook, picked characters, picked other shit and BOOM! I was writing a one shot! **

**I have recently been stuck up on Country stuff (well I always loved the music I was talking about a certain southern gentleman!) meaning JASPER! I don't know what it is! I just love him so much! Must be that southern twang he has got going on…*cue wet dream***

**This is a JxJ Fic! I have never written Jane before and I am just gonna make it up as I go along…and i haven't mastered up the courage to write a lemon yet...lol so there isn't one in here. The rating 'M' is for precautions only. **

**Inspired by the song "What Hurts the Most", By: Rascal Flatts, and "Sooner or Later", By: Michele Branch.**

**Jane is solo country singer trying to recover from all the problems in her life. After one of her sets, she meets Jasper, and sparks fly! But, can Jane open up to this country stranger and show him the real her? Can she trust him not to leave her like everyone else? Can he handle all her baggage?**

**OKAY HERE WE GO!**

**v~~~***~~~~***~~~v**

**August 15, 2006**

_**Jane **_

Another week, another city, another show.

The way I see it I get to the town, settle in, find a decent job, get my money, and leave after 2 weeks.

Things have been simple for me and that's the way I like them. I don't want anyone fussing over me and I don't need much. Food a few days a week isn't so bad. Hey! It keeps me skinning and you need to look good to get the jobs I'm going for. These bar owners don't want some drunken shit fuckin' up their place, so I ain't gonna fuck up any of my chances.

I have been tryin' to get by. I really have. I know it was stupid to run away from Demetri, but what he did hurt too much and I couldn't look at him with _her_ and watch them be happy. They were living the life I had so easily built for _myself, _not for them!

I had spent my entire life livin' in Huston, Texas. I was in love and completely clueless. I never even suspected anything was wrong with us! We were so happy, or at least _I_ was so happy. So I thought, and I thought wrong.

Why didn't I see this?

Kate has always my best friend, since I could walk! We were going to fall in love with two amazing guys, get married, live next door to each other, have babies together, and have our lives together! But NO! she wanted my man! She had to sneak around behind my back and fuck my fiancée!

I was so close to having everything I ever wanted; I just didn't see the one thing standing in my way, Kate.

The woman I called my sister with my fiancée hovering over her body as she screamed out in ecstasy! They didn't even notice I was there in the doorway because they were there, in _our _bed! Telling each other how much _they loved each other!_ I had never felt so betrayed in my entire life.

_Ugh, even her fuckin' name burns a whole through my already broken and shattered heart. Wherever she goes, she leaves a trail of destruction in her wake. Why did I think it was going to be any different this time? She never cared for anyone but herself, she was always lookin' out for number one and nothin' else. Well I guess I can add her achy pussy to that list because she seems to think she can have any cock she wants and get away with it…well in my case she did get away with it, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm movin' on and I'm goin' to be happy, with or without her in my life._

I left.

I ran.

I had to get away. I just couldn't live with the fact she had poisoned and infected anythin' that ever meant somethin' to me.

I ran away so I could try to be myself and sell the only part of me that she didn't infect.

My voice.

I could still sing my heart out and maybe one day, someday, someone will see me, find me, and tell me they have found me! That they had the answers to all my problems. They had the reason for my being! They could show me how to live and show the world what Jane Clemson is all about. The woman that could sing about anythin' and still make it. The woman who didn't need a man, or a family. All she needed was her passion and she was set for the rest of time! Who needs drugs when you have a guitar?

This man would be perfect and he would give me everything I ever asked for.

That they would never leave me.

Boyce, Louisiana.

This small dirt roaded town is where I am now. JD's bar, the one place I spend more time in then my own damn fuckin' truck. Which I happen to live in! But, what can I do. I ain't got any money, and I don't know any people in this shit ass town, and I'm glad. I'll make my shit and get out, like I always do.

There is one reason I do what I do and deal with all this shit!

For Alec.

The one person I truly always loved. The one person who didn't chose to leave, but was taken against his will. The one person I fight for every day of my pathetic life…

I was born into a family that couldn't take care of its self, and I figured I was destined to fix everyone. From the moment I was brought into the world that is what I did, I would save everyone that I ever loved. I never knew what I would lose or what I would gain, or if I would die or stay alive.

My darling younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia and when he asked me to help him, I did. I said fuck the rest of the world! My brother is strong, he can fight this, and he will be okay…because he had to be. Without him, I was nothing. He was my best friend and the only constant thing in my life, and when he was gone I wouldn't be able to fight any longer. I would be over.

When he died, my entire world fell apart. My father got rough with me and started taking his anger out me and my mama. I couldn't let him hurt her, so I let him beat me.

He did and I let him.

I was the guilty one, it was all me.

I disserved all the pain because I wasn't strong enough for Alec.

I was paying for the price.

I was always one to take what I was given, and if god was giving me a good beatin' every goddamn day for my entire childhood, then I disserved it.

I took it all.

I let it happen, because I was too chicken shit to tell him to grow the fuck up and get some goddamn help! I wasn't the one I try was fightin' for, but I was fightin' for what I truly believed was right. That no family should be afraid of their leader. That no woman should be afraid of the man she loves, but my mama was. She was dead afraid of my father, and he knew it.

But, my dad didn't know he would break my leg, or smash my head in, leave permanent scars, ruin my childhood, curse me for all that was good, no, he didn't and I never blamed him. I couldn't because he blamed himself for Alec. I blamed myself. Mama blamed god and Alec…he blamed himself. He had a good fight in him and I am glad I have gotten to be apart his short life. He was an amazing boy. His father on the other hand was a man with no confines or bounds for sorrow or pain.

I could hide the bruises easy, but mama was never happy when I let him have his way with me. She said 'that is where I draw the line! He is not going to christen my daughter and make me watch her slowly die! He killed my little boy! He is not taken the only other child I have left!' I could almost feel the coolness and wetness from her tears burnin' my heart every time I think of her lovin' words.

The rape didn't even hurt after a while. I just started to let it come and numb my body. After every beatin', my father would bind me to the headboard of his bed, leavin' me vulnerable and shattered. He would then drive into me with an utmost force that I had never seen before in my life. Every time he slammed in, I saw another piece of him break apart.

He knew what he was doing.

To me.

To himself.

To mama.

He was trying to forget what he had done and what he was still continuing to do on the god-for-saken earth.

His sins.

His pain.

His son.

His entire family.

Is what he lost, but he didn't see it that way. He did what he saw fit. While he was punishing me, he in fact was punishing himself with the fact that I was hurting. I understand that hurt him to see me like that, but that doesn't mean I had to be the one he took everything out on.

I walked the rest of my days with scars and memories that I wanted to erase, but I couldn't because they were permanently burned into my mind and soul.

Therefore, I would never forget what I was fighting for. My life and my loved one's lives.

Slowly I figured out that I was destined for better and greater things and that this was not the life for me. Mama thought so too.

When I turned 18, I left and high tailed out of that fuckery real damn fast! I had no desire to look at that beat up old white house that was now dingy and falling apart anymore.

It was the beginning of a new life for me and I was grateful for the chance.

I met Demetri in college and I thought he was the god of all gods. He seemed so care free and happy, everything I wanted to be, so I started to live my life through him. 2 years later Kate showed up at my door. She begged me to let her stay. I let her in because that is what sisters do for each other. She quickly found a guy, named Charles, and he was rich! I mean like this guy was loaded. That was the only reason she was with him, was for his goddamn money! That little bitch thought she could sleep her way to the top! Well she was right, and 8 months later, he asked her to marry him. She said yes without a moment of hesitation. It only took her a year to find herself attracted to my boyfriend! (Not yet my fiancée) She thought for some reason that it was OK to cheat, with my boyfriend! With my fuckin' future! FUCK Her, fuck 'em all! No one knows how much it hurt to hear him say that he didn't love me anymore to HER! That he wanted _her,_ and not _me!_

FUCK! I couldn't take it! I couldn't stand there and watch him make love to my sister! Making love! LOVE! They loved each other, they wanted to be with each other, live together, be happy _together!_

Well I said goodbye and I'm glad I did. I couldn't be unhappy again. Not after I promised…

_**Flashback…**_

"_Hey Alec. How are you feeling today?" I said as I looked down at my little brother battling the fight of his life. The same one that will inevitably take his life away from me._

"_I'm fine." He said coldly. He never wanted anyone fussin' over him. He was strong, but I knew better than to take offence. _

"_You know with that attitude you will never get out of here, mister. What would mama say if she heard you talk like that? Huh? Bud, come on you got to be stronger than that." I said with as much encouragement as I could master up, but I knew somewhere that today would be the last day. I would never walk through those doors again, and my little brother wouldn't be waitin' for me._

"_I don't care anymore! I can't do it! I give up! I'm gonna die sis, and you better be able to handle it! Because I can't do this alone! I need you to make through this, I need you to survive for me, live for me, be happy for me. Can you do that for me? Can you make sure I'm never forgotten and don't let anything come between you and your happiness? Please promise me you will do whatever you can to be happy? Promise!" He begged and he squeezed my hand with all the strength he had left. Small tears strolling down the sides of his pale cheeks._

"_I will never do you wrong. I can't because you are the only light I can see ahead. I will make it, for you. One day I will see you up there, and we will have a party of our own. Do you hear me little bro? I won't fail you, not the way I failed myself. I love you Alec and nothing is going to stop me." I said as I let the tears fall from my eyes. I will never forget the will power my little brother once had, and right there on the hospital bed he showed us all, it doesn't matter if you die, just as long as you're not forgotten, and Alec will never be forgotten._

_**End Flashback**_

I slowly pressed my lips against the microphone and started strumming away…

"_Please tell me what is takin' place,  
'Cause I can't seem to find a trace,  
Guess it must have got erased somehow,  
Probably 'cause I always forget,  
Every time someone tells me their name,  
It always gotta be the same.  
Never wore a cover-up,  
Always beat the boys up,  
Grew up in a five thousand population town,  
Made my money by cutting grass,  
Got fired by a fried chicken ass!  
All in a small town, Nappanee._

_You know I always stay up without sleepin',  
And think to myself,  
Where do I belong forever,  
In whose arms, the time and place?_

_Can't help it if I space in a daze,  
My eyes tune out the other way,  
I may switch off and go in a daydream,  
In this head my thoughts are deep,  
But sometimes I can't even speak,  
Would someone be and not pretend?  
I'm off again in my world_

_I never spend less than an hour,  
Washin' my hair in the shower,  
It always takes five hours to make it straight,  
So I'll braid it in a zillion braids,  
Though it may take all friggin' day,  
There's nothin' else better to do anyway._

_When you're all alone in the lands of forever,  
Lay under the milky way,  
On and on its getting too late out,  
I'm not in love this time this night._

_Can't help it if I space in a daze,  
My eyes tune out the other way,  
I may switch off and go in a daydream,  
In this head my thoughts are deep,  
Sometimes I can't even speak,  
Would someone be and not pretend?  
I'm off again in my world_

_Take some time,  
Mellow out,  
Party up,  
But don't fall down,  
Don't get caught,  
Sneak out of the house._

_Can't help it if I space in a daze,  
My eyes tune out the other way,  
I may switch off and go in a daydream,  
In this head my thoughts are deep,  
But sometimes I can't even speak,  
Would someone be and not pretend?  
I'm off again in my world_

_Can't help it if I space in a daze,  
My eyes tune out the other way,  
I may switch off and go in a daydream,  
In this head my thoughts are deep,  
But sometimes I can't even speak,  
Would someone be and not pretend?_

_I'm off again in my world"_

A small round of applause erupts from the few people in the bar. Well at least there are people here…I can't say much for most other nights.

I walk off the stage for my break and get my usual from Peter, the bartender and owner. He always gets me my drinks free because he thinks that one day I'll go out with him, or give him chance. Yeah, well not likely. I mean, he's tall with brown short hair and he has a good body, but there is just one problem with him…the man has a wife. You see I don't know where men get off treating women with shit like people like Demetri and Peter. Do they not love their women enough? Or maybe it's we don't love them enough…yeah must be our fault. It always seems to be in my world…

Well whatever it is, he sure is a good listener.

I slowly sipped my scotch and Peter walks over with a refill. "How you doin' tonight sweetheart?" He asks with his charming southern accent.

"I could be better." I say with the permanent scowl I've had on my face for the past 2 weeks. Normally after about 2 weeks I head out, but for some reason I had a good feeling about this gig, so here I am going on almost 3 ½ weeks and I'm still going strong.

"Well you don't look so good, I mean you always sound great, but honestly honey you look like shit." He said with an honest worried look on his face.

"I…I haven't eaten in a while, that's all." I have noticed I've lost a bit of weight, but it's not that noticeable. I guess Peter has been watching me more carefully than I would have thought. Maybe he cares…

"Well, Jane is that smart? Why don't I take you out for some dinner after your set is over and I close up? My treat, what do you say?" There he goes again trying to get me to go out with him, but why not, I mean I always say no. He is offerin' free food here, how bad can it be?

"You know what fine, I will join you." I say with a small smirk on my lips.

"So, Jane, why are you here anyway? I never asked before. "Peter asked a he pushed a plate with a burger and fries on it towards me.

"Well, do you want the truth, or the truth I tell people is the truth?"

He chuckles to himself, "You really are something…I would like the real truth, please."

"Well, I'm running away." I said truthfully.

"What could a sweet girl like you be running away from? Bad boyfriend? It's what it always is now a day."

"It wasn't just that, but you are on the right path and why don't we just leave the details unsaid 'cause I don't really want to start spittin' out my entire life to you like some fucked up shrinks patient." I said pissed off. It's not I didn't want him to know, but I really hate seemin' weak and once people know, they look at me with nothin' but sympathy and pity and I don't want any of that shit.

"Alright I can tell I have hit a rough patch, I'm sorry. Well you're welcome for the meal, but my brother will be here to pick me up any minute, so I'll see you at work Jane." He said with a small smile and he got up to leave. I watched him walk out the door of the dinner and stood on the edge of the road, all alone, waiting.

I got up and ran after him. As I got there, he turned around at the sound of my boots hittin' the gravel. "Hey! Wait a second, would ya!" He smirked at me and on that note; I jumped into his arms and hugged him with all I had.

No one, and I mean absolutely no one ever gave a shit about me and this random guy who likes my music, thinks I'm a great piano and guitar player is standing here and not taking any pity out on me. That has never happened to me before and when people show me some real courtesy I respond the only way I know how to. With a goddamn hard hug.

"Okay, okay. Sweetheart you're goin' to choke me t'death if ya don't let go of me." He said breathlessly. I couldn't help but start crackin' up…he really is a nice guy and his wife is oh so very lucky!

"I'm sorry, but no one has ever actually given a damn about me so…thank you, really. I mean you didn't have to sit there and stay with me, but you did and you actually wanted to know me. No one has ever cared at all and when you did…I may have come off a little rude when you first hired me, but I thank you for givin' me a chance. I appreciate it a lot."

"Well, well, well little Jane actually has feelings other than anger! Damn woman I have never met anyone like you! I mean you are a real person trying to find themselves and that is what I like about you, you're real. Jane _you are real_. That is why I hired you…well you also looked fucking hot in your tight little jeans…" he said as I slapped his arm and muttered a "pervert" at him.

"Yeah well…what can I say I'm a man." As he said that, a silver pickup truck pulled up with a blond woman and man in the front. They looked so much alike; I assume they must be related…

"Oh hey! Babe I want you to meet someone! Get out of the damn car and get your sweet little ass over here." He said towards the car as he smiled at me.

"Jane I would like you to meet my lovely wife, Charlotte and this" he gestured to the god like man behind her with shaggy blond hair and his piercing blue eyes staring right into my light green eyes "Is Jasper Whitlock, Charlotte's brother and my best mate. Guys this is my beautiful employee, Jane Clemson. She is our entertainment for my beloved establishment." He said proudly towards the beautiful pair. His wife was about my height with long blond hair with matching blue eyes as her brother, _Jasper._

"Hi, it's nice to meet y'all." I said in calm and collected voice.

"HI! It is so great to meet you Jane! I hope he hasn't worked you too hard, I know how hard he can get." She said definitely intending the pun…oh that's just gross. I may think Peter is nice, but I would really not like to know about his…parts.

"Oh, Char please don't disgust the sweet girl, do you want her to quit?" Jasper said to his sister and then looked back at me. _Holy shittttt!_ He is one hot looking cowboy! I wouldn't mind riding that! Fuck, I'm wet!

He walked over to me lifted my right hand up to his lips and right before they touched his beautiful lips he said "It's a pleasure to meet you darlin'." With his cool, sweet, southern, breath fanning over may now limp hand his kissed it and released it, and dropped back down to my side. I silently whimpered as he smiled a sexy little smirk with his flawless lips that I could spend forever kissing and not be bored.

Peter coughed and cleared his throat callin' us all back to earth. "Right, well now I'll see you tomorrow Jane, 9 o'clock' and don't be late or I'll start chargin' you for your drinks." He said with a small laugh.

"Um…yeah I should get goin', it was nice to meet y'all, have a goodnight." I started walkin' off as I someone grabbed my hand and turned me around.

"Well wait do you want a ride somewhere?" Jasper asked as he looked down at me.

I gulped. "Oh…I don't think that's necessary." I didn't want him to know I have been stayin' in my beat up shit ass truck because of the looks of his truck he wasn't quite so low cut as I was right now.

"Well I don't feel right just sendin' ya off to walk home by yourself, so why don't I walk with you?" He asked with the sexiest southern twang I have ever heard...

"Oh, sure. I guess that would be okay. Thank you." And we started walkin' back towards JD's bar. We walked silently for a while both of us stealin' glances at each other every few minutes. I only kept lookin' over to check if he was really there, or if my mind was playin' a stupid game with my brain.

"So, do you like working for Peter?" He asked randomly.

"Uh, yeah he's a nice boss, I guess."

"Where are you from?"

"Houston, Texas."

"Oh so am I, what a coincidence."

"Yeah…" I trailed off

"What type of music do you play?"

"Country mostly, but I play a little of everything now and again."

"That's cool. What instruments do you play?"

"Mostly guitar, bass, and the piano."

"Do you have any siblings? Or a boyfriend? Married?" He asked, and god I hope he was askin' so he could take me out!

"Um…well my brother Alec died when he was 15… other than him no. Before I left home I was actually engaged to a guy, but…well he fucked it up good so that would be a no to marriage as well." I said coldly and detached.

"I'm sorry darlin', I didn't mean anythin' by it. What was his name? If you don't mind me askin'?" He asked innocently.

"His name was Demetri Jameson and let me guess you're goin' to ask what he did? Am I right?" He nodded slowly. "Well…if you really want to know, I walked in on him fuckin' my best friend who I used to consider a sister, and he was professin' his love to her! Plus the fuckin' bitch is married!" I yelled and ran off toward my beat up truck and while I was lookin' for my keys, Jasper comes up runnin' towards me.

"Wait! I'm sorry! I was just curious! Why is beautiful, sexy, southern girl like you, here in this shit ass town, playing at a bar! I mean it sounds like you have a lot of talent! Or so Peter says, so why are you here? This is no place to be discovered! Don't you want to have a life? I think you would have had a better chance in Houston. You know it's a big city! This place is an A class grade fuck whole town. I'm not tellin' you to go or anythin'; I'm just sayin' this place." He gestured around him "Is for fuckin' hillbillies and drunks!" He said looking down at me again with those caring eyes that make me want to get my v-card back, but there was no way in fuckin' hell my father would give it back now!

"You don't know what you're talking about."

He slowly walked up to me, pushed me against my truck, and looked down into my eyes. "You're right I don't, I'm sorry I intruded. I was just wondering…" he said as he brushed few stray hairs away from my face and tucked them behind my ear. "I just wanted to help…"

"Thanks for the 'help', but I can take care of myself."

"You know you're very beautiful and I don't know why any guy would give you up."

"Maybe it was the cocaine he was takin' behind my back, which he bought with my money." I said, trying not to sound so angry even though I was doin' a half ass job. Demetri always thought he was inconspicuous, but for fucks sake I'm no idiot I know where my money is, or was…

He laughed lightly and stroked my cheek. I looked up at him shockingly because why would some Greek Adonis be near _me_ or be touching _me _what so ever. The first thing that came to my mind was that he was drunk or delusional, and possibly both.

"Jasper, are you drunk?" I asked innocently.

"No, darlin' I am certainly not, are you?" He asked in return.

"Uh… no I am not." I said and tried to push him away from me, but he put his arms around my waist and drew me in against him, so that our lower halves were pushing against each other, but there was still a foot between our faces. "What are you doin'?" I asked

"What do you think I'm doin'?" he asked with a chuckle. Honestly I have no idea what he is doin'! I haven't been around men like this since I met Demetri in college and even then, I had no clue what I was doin'...

"I don't know what you're doin', that's why I asked…" I said a matter-of-factly.

"I just want to know you and I want to feel you, I want…you." He said sweetly and full of intent.

He leaned his face in close to my neck and inhaled sharply, he skimmed his nose across my jaw line, to my ear where he gently placed feather light kisses to the area right below my ear, where I am very sensitive. I started to go numb underneath him, and it was a good thing he had a good hold me or I would have ended up on my ass.

"Tell me to stop and I will." He said as his hot breath met my already flushed skin. He started to press more firm kisses to my neck, then he started to lick my pulse point with the flat part of his tongue and I couldn't stop the moan that erupted from me. I felt him smile against my skin, and he pulled my upper half close to his so he could get a better angle to my neck.

"Jasper…" I breathed, but instead came out as a low moan that made him give out a low growl in return.

I don't know how he did it, but he did. In only about an hour, he had already got me pinned and found my sweet spot. I'm damn sure in all the years I have ever been with Demetri he couldn't even tell you where my sweet spot is. Fuckin' jackass…

"Yes, Jane?" He said as one of his hands came up lightly cup my right breast, and my nipples hardened at the contact.

I had never been touched like this, and everywhere he was touchin' was on fire! I couldn't feel myself breathin' and I knew this was wrong because I had no idea who this guy was, and I was never one for an 'easy lay' kinda gal.

I knew I had to stop this before I let myself do somethin' stupid, and by the looks of Jasper, he wanted me to do somethin' stupid with him right now, up against my truck. I quickly composed myself before this got out of hand and pushed him off and away from me.

"You have to stop, I'm sorry. I really should go." I said as I fidgeted with my keys, once I got them I open my door, but a large hand stopped me from gettin' it open all the way. Jasper then brought his face down to my still uncovered neck and kissed me again, as he pushed his now hard member into my lower back. I whimpered slightly, god why does he affect me like this! No one has ever made me feel like _this…_

"Jane. I can't stop. I've only known you for an hour, and no woman has ever had this effect on me. I almost thought I was gay." He chuckled. "Please would you just turn around so I can kiss you properly, or let me take you out, or anything. Please Jane." He kept sayin' please, but to what I am really unsure of. You would have to be some kind of idiot to say no to this man.

I turned around slowly and his face was nearly touchin' mine, and I couldn't take it anymore. The closeness of his perfect lips and his cinnamon breath was drivin' me crazy. I eagerly attached my lips to his and we both moaned out at the contact. He lips were so soft and he licked my lower lip askin' for entrance into my mouth, which I eagerly allowed. He pulled me towards him and snaked his hands around my waist. Our tongues battled for dominance, but I gave in and we hungrily explored each other mouths. Soon we both pulled away for air, and he quickly reattached his lips and tongue to my neck, makin' me whimper and squeal at the same time.

I was so beyond turned on at this point I was ready for him to fuck me right here against my truck, in the middle of this disserted parking lot, in the middle of the night.

"Jasper…"

"Hmmhmm." He responded, which more sounded like a hum then an answer, but whatever.

"I…I um, maybe-"

"Maybe what?" he said as he pulled back to look at me.

I was so frustrated. This is unfair. He is so temptin' and just can't seem to back away. I don't know what to do. I'm standin' here in the arms of a god and all I can do is fidget around and moan! Fuck, what has happened to me!

"I don't know." I said in defeat because I knew this wrong and for some reason I didn't want this to end, but it had to.

"Oh…ah I see. This is all too fast. Right, well I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so intense, it's just been a long time since I've been with a woman and I guess I completely forgot about being a gentleman. I'll go if you want?" he said as he stepped away and untangled his body from mine.

Well now I am confused because honestly I don't want him to go I want him to stay here and keep goin', and then take me home, throw me on his bed and prove to me I'm a woman, and I should be treated like one! But then again he's right and this is way too fast. I have never ended up in bed with a guy on a first date, and we haven't even been on a date. So I have never picked a guy up at a bar either…

I didn't notice how long I was standin' there contemplating, but I did notice him lean down kiss my lips lightly and start walkin' away. By the time I looked up he was nowhere in sight and I had tears falling from my eyes.

When I got to work the next night after the stupid fuckin' make out fiasco with Jasper, well I was crushed. He actually had the nerve to just walk away from me. He said he liked me a lot and that he never had this kind of reaction from a woman…so then why did he walk away?

Tonight's performance represents this emptiness I always feel when someone leaves me. Slowly I pick up my guitar and walk over to the mike and here goes everything I ever lived for…

"_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

_What hurts the most was being  
so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
I'm saying that loving you  
That's what I was tryin' to do"_

As I finished my last song before my break, I took a moment to think about what happened last night.

Last night caught me off guard.

Completely.

And it hurt.

It hurt to watch him walk away.

Why did it hurt so much?

I said I couldn't.

This is my fault.

Fuck.

I would never have thrown myself a guy I didn't know like that. My entire set has gone by in a black haze of uneasiness. I have really no recollection of what I have sang already and I honestly don't care I just want this night to be over.

I head over to the bar to get my usual from Peter. Once I get there, he stares at me like I have two heads.

"What!" I say louder than I should have because I'm so agitated.

"What did you do with Jasper last night? He came home in a daze and slightly pissed off, and it wasn't me or Char, so what did you do?" He demanded from me.

"It's not what I did, it's what he did!" I said pissed off and slightly horny from the memories of last night flooding' my mind.

_His touch, His taste, His feeling…_

"Oh hell! I have seen that face before! He fucked you didn't he! Dammit!" He said as he pulled out his cell phone and started to dial.

"No! No, he didn't! What kind of girl do you think I am! You know I wouldn't do that!" I said, but I was too late he was already on the phone and walked into his office.

_Shitttt…what am I gonna do. _

I figured it wasn't my fault anyways, so I may as well drink my scotch and get to work. My break ended I started to get up and get my sets done and out of this fuck whole before…I stopped as I heard a loud person storm through the doors, and when I looked up I saw none other than the star of my recent fantasies and dreams…_Jasper._

He looked directly at me for I don't know how long until Peters annoyingly loud voice called me out of my daydream.

"JANE!" Peter yelled.

I rushed over as fast as I could to him who was starin' at Jasper like he was he had stolen his ever loving heart of gold, or some shit.

"What!" I said angrier than I should have said to my _boss. _

"Would you two please explain what the fuck is up with you? Jasper, Jane has a set to do and she can't do it if she is constantly distracted! This is her job! Do you want to get her fired! Couldn't you two just hold off the fucking until she has her days off! I need her to be able to work you jackass!" He yelled at both of us.

"Um…Peter I have no idea what you are talkin' about, but could I just go back and finish and we can talk about this after?" I tried to reason with him in his pissed off stage, but he continued to fume. "Please, Peter?" He slowly calmed down and caught his cool, once he had he turned to me with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, and play 'Sooner or Later' would ya? It's one of my favorites." He asked.

"Sure I can do that." And I turned around and headed for the stage without a second glace back at Jasper.

I walked up onto stage, grabbed my classic guitar and started strummin' away…I put my lips to the microphone and the words poured out of me…

"_Lipstick, pretty face  
And maybe you'll notice somethin'  
Different about me, different about me  
Yeah you talk, talk all you want  
You pour your heart out  
But you never do see, you never do see me  
I can't wait forever for you_

_Sooner or later  
You're gonna come around  
You'll be sorry  
When you figure out  
That I was always  
Everything that you needed  
Sooner or later  
You're gonna wish you had me  
Yeah you're gonna wish you had me_

_Well she don't do  
Nothin' for you  
But mess you up  
Yeah she messes you up  
I'm your shoulder  
I'm the quick drive over  
Tryin' to fix your stuff  
Well I give up_

_You never see me standin' right in front of you_

_Sooner or later  
You're gonna come around  
You'll be sorry  
When you figure out  
That I was always  
Everything that you needed  
Sooner or later  
You're gonna wish you had me  
Oh you're gonna wish me back so bad, so bad  
Oh well it's a little too late for that_

_Lipstick, pretty face  
And maybe you'll notice somethin'  
Different about me, different about me_

_Sooner or later  
You're gonna come around  
You'll be sorry  
When you figure out  
That I was always  
Everything that you needed  
Sooner or later,_

_You're gonna wish you had me  
Oh you're gonna wish you had me"_

After about four more songs, I took my bows, got my tips, and headed over to the bar to have a very uncomfortable talk with my boss and the man I have been mentally fuckin' for the past 30 hours.

Life will never be worse…_oh you shouldn't have said that._

"Great job sweetheart, here's your scotch, now…what is goin' on here? I leave this idiot with you for what, 2 hours and he shoves his cock in your pussy! I mean come on Whitlock! You could take her out first you ass whole. She's my employee, you could show a little more respect! She is a beautiful woman and she is definitely not the type you fuck and dump! Fucking Jackass! Jane, I am so sorry for my disgustin' brother. Do you want a raise or somethin'?" He defended.

"I would love a raise, Peter, but nothin' happened between us, well nothin' like that so could you stop with all the crass and name calling? Please? But can I still have the raise?"

"Wait, are you tellin' me that Jasper didn't fuck you?" He asked dumbfounded.

"That would be correct." Jasper said soundin' a little disappointed.

"If I give you a raise will you pack your shit up and leave? I know what you have been doing and I cannot have you just pick up and ditch me, and where would you go anyways? Do you have your next town lined up or somethin'?" He asked angrily.

"What the fuck are you talkin' bout?" I said angrily back at him.

"Oh, you know what I mean! Don't play dumb."

"How did you know about that?" I had no idea anybody actually noticed me in the other towns. I will admit I have been around parts of Texas and Louisiana, but I was tryin' to just make my way and get out, just like Peter was accusing' me. Wow people around here really got me pegged.

"I have a lot of friend's missy; why else do you think I gave you the job! I heard you were good from some of my friends who own bars that you have passed through. I am surprised; you have made a name for yourself in a few places. I was impressed when I heard you play, so I hired you. It's not a bad thing to have experience Jane, you have nothin' to be ashamed of, and so what, you're trying to make money! WHOA, I have never heard of that before!"

"Oh, well no I wasn't goin' to leave or anythin'. I like it here…"

"So what do you need all this money for anyways? Because from what I've heard, you have quite a bit, but you are still in that truck of yours, so what is it? Drugs? Bail? Alimony?" He asked.

"I…I well I'm payin' off a few things, but yeah it's for bail." I hadn't told anyone that my mother had been arrested because not even Demetri knew that. She murdered my father in his sleep by over dosing his medication. He had gone back to beatin' her once I left, and she was slowly dyin' of the pain. I never told her to do this, but she did it and the judge said if I could post bail they would let her go, but it's a lot of money. Who they hell has 100,000 dollars on them. Well I don't where the hell would I get that shit from?

"Whose?" Jasper asked.

I didn't want to say because I didn't want them to know just how utterly fucked up my life was, but they are askin' and I was never a good liar so I may as well be honest.

"My mother." I said in almost a whisper that I wasn't even sure they heard me.

"What did she do?" Jasper asked.

"What does it matter?" I asked angrily at him.

"For fucks sake! Just tell us how bad could it be!" Peter fumed and then recollected his thoughts. "Wait, Jane I know you said you were runnin' away but how much were you runnin' from, sweetheart?" Peter asked a he started to rub my back because I hadn't even noticed I had tears pourin' from my eyes. And then I fell apart…

"I couldn't stop her!" I yelled. "I didn't know how much she was sufferin'! I had no idea my father could be so cruel! He had it comin' you know, if it wasn't her, I would have killed him eventually, but my mother couldn't deal with the pain. She already lost my brother and she couldn't watch my father kill me. When I finally got out of that house, I thought maybe he wouldn't beat her the way he did me, but I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong. She started askin' for money, so I gave it to her because she's my mother. She started spendin' it on drugs to ease the pain, and it helped for a while. Then the rape started again. I thought he was done with that, but he is such an angry man I-…I just wanted her to be safe. I never told her to kill him, but she did it anyways. She was arrested and I have to pay the bail because she is the only family I have left and I need her!" I was crying my eyes out into Peters shoulder as I stained and grabbed at his shirt.

I had never let any of this out because I was never sure if I would be able to look at life head on again. Everything always hurt inside and I was so scared to let anythin' show on the outside. My father was raping' me by the time I was 12 years old. My brother told me to run away but I couldn't just leave a 10-year-old home alone with angry parents that could kill him! I would never leave him behind. I never expected him to die before me.

"Oh honey, no wonder you've been runnin'. I am so sorry I didn't try to talk to you. I always saw you sittin' alone in your truck just starin' out at nothin'; I never knew what was goin' on. I'm sure no one did, did they?" I nodded my head. "Oh baby girl, no wonder you have been mad the entire time, that's the only way you know. Oh Jane…" I looked up and there were a few small tears rollin' down his cheeks. He was cryin' for me, for my past, for my lost soul the one I thought I would never feel again, but in the arms of this man with a heart, I could feel mine beatin' again.

"Jane…" Jaspers quiet voice said from behind me. I untangled myself from Peter and turned to face him. It took him all of 2 seconds to pull me into him, as he crushed me into a hug full of love and care.

"I am so sorry; I should have stopped last night. I should have never done that to you…I, I just…I had no idea. I am so sorry, Jane. Would you be willing to give me a second chance, or really a first chance?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back. I immediately melted into his embrace.

I knew right then that this is exactly where I wanted to be, no matter how hard I had to work. If I got stay in Jaspers arms, forever I would be fine.

"I am willing to give you another chance, as long as you kiss me dammit!" I said as I reached up and attacked his lips with my own. He pulled me closer to him and puller back just enough so that he could look into my eyes and say the only words I had ever wanted to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He said honestly a he grinned widely at me with nothing but love devotion in his glassy, ice blue eyes orbs.

That was the one moment of my entire life that I will never forget. The way his eyes shinned and the way his smiled molded to mine to form a perfect kiss.

_Gonna stay in bed today  
'Cuz I can't stand the light  
Don't know why I get so down_

_I won't be much fun tonight  
And I can't believe  
You still want to hang around me  
It's not so pretty all the time  
You don't mind  
To you it's alright_

_As I am is how you take me  
Never try to push or make me different  
When I talk you listen to me  
As I am is how you want me and  
I know I've found the pieces missing  
I'm looking at him_

_I'm not the girl you think you see  
But maybe that's a lie  
You almost know me better than  
Me, myself and I_

_Don't know a lot of things  
But I know what I got  
It's not so perfect every day  
I don't have to try  
'Cuz it all falls into place_

_As I am is how you take me  
Never try to push or make me different  
When I talk you listen to me  
As I am is how you want me and  
I know I've found the pieces missing  
I'm looking at him_

_Face to face, eye-to-eye  
You're standing there  
Feels good on the inside_

_I don't mind, I don't care  
You're standing there  
Seein' me for the first time  
Seein' me for the first time  
Seein' me for the first time_

_As I am is how you take me  
Never try to push or make me different  
When I talk you listen to me  
As I am is how you want me and  
I know I've found the pieces missing  
I'm looking at him_

_Found the pieces missing  
Take me as I am  
When I talk you listen  
Take me as I am  
Found the pieces missing  
Take me as I am_

**Well there it is! My first one shot! I worked really hard on this! I hope you guys like it! **

**The songs featured in this fic are:**

**My World, By: Avril Lavigne**

**What Hurts the Most, by: Rascal Flatts**

**Sooner or Later, by: Michele Branch**

**As I Am, By: Miley Cyrus**

**Thank you so much for reading! **

**PLEASE PRESS THAT LITTLE GREEN BOTTON AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT!**


End file.
